{"product_id":"life-wants-you-dead-a-calm-rational-and-totally-legit-guide-to-scaring-yourself-safe-hardcover","title":"Life Wants You Dead: A Calm, Rational, and Totally Legit Guide to Scaring Yourself Safe - Hardcover","description":"\u003cp\u003eby \u003cb\u003eEvan Waite\u003c\/b\u003e (Author), \u003cb\u003ePaula Searing\u003c\/b\u003e (Illustrator)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\"Life wants you dead, and this book wants to be READ! Ha ha I love being a comedian.\" --Patton Oswalt \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \"Truly hilarious!\" --Jack Handey, author of \u003ci\u003eDeep Thoughts\u003c\/i\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cb\u003eFear!!! Scary, right? But what if the only thing we \u003ci\u003eshouldn't\u003c\/i\u003e fear is fear itself?\u003c\/b\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003eIn this era of economic turmoil, climate catastrophe, and cliques of cool teens just waiting to make fun of your shoes, we live in a heightened state of fear. We're afraid of the world and afraid of each other--but not nearly as afraid as we should be! And this absurdly hilarious survival guide demonstrates that being afraid of literally everything is the only guaranteed way to stay safe. Packed with lifesaving\/fear-fanning illustrations, sidebars, jump scares, chilling one-liners, and more, these pages will keep readers safe from the scourges of love, technology, birds, education, jackalopes, their own bodies, their homes, and the world outside their own bodies and homes. Includes a bonus foldout Fear Map lurking in the inside back cover. \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003eA BOOK TO KEEP YOU SAFE IN THESE ANXIOUS TIMES: Anxious and fearful about the state of the world? Friend, you are not frightened enough! Never mind the asteroid hurtling toward Earth. That bird over there? It's just waiting for the chance to swoop down and peck at your eyes. Your shoelaces? Trying to strangle your feet. From the stop signs obviously attempting to dead-end your life to that creep in the mirror who looks exactly like you, danger is everywhere. And your best survival strategy is to be afraid of everything at all times. \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e SEVEN SCARY CHAPTERS TO KEEP YOU COMPREHENSIVELY APPREHENSIVE: \u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Your Body: It Isn't a F*cking Wonderland, John Mayer \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Love: They're Trying to \u003ci\u003eSteal \u003c\/i\u003eYour \u003ci\u003eHeart\u003c\/i\u003e!!! \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Home Is Where the Harm Is: You're in a Hallway to Hell \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Go Go Gadget Death: Surviving the Techpocalypse \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e The Hippocratic Hoax: Defeating the Medical Menace \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Mind-Fucked: How Education Kills \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Be the Fear You Want to Flee in the World \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e THE BOOK ITSELF IS A THREAT: With pointy hardcover corners, pages that could slap you, and a removable foldout Fear Map ready to strike at your nerves from the book's inside back cover, this humor book is unsafe to buy for yourself or to give as a gift to everyone you love. \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003ePerfect for: \u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Comedy fans of \u003ci\u003eThe Onion\u003c\/i\u003e, ClickHole, \u003ci\u003eThe Daily Show\u003c\/i\u003e, and \u003ci\u003eLast Week Tonight with John Oliver\u003c\/i\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Fear-ridden readers of \u003ci\u003eThe Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook\u003c\/i\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e Anyone in need of a laugh in these anxiety-driven times \u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAuthor Biography\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eEvan Waite is a co-executive producer on FOX's \u003ci\u003eFamily Guy\u003c\/i\u003e. Prior to that, he wrote on the Emmy-nominated final season of \u003ci\u003eUnbreakable Kimmy Schmidt\u003c\/i\u003e, NBC's \u003ci\u003eSunnyside\u003c\/i\u003e, \u003ci\u003eThe President Show\u003c\/i\u003e, \u003ci\u003eOur Cartoon President\u003c\/i\u003e, \u003ci\u003eFairfax\u003c\/i\u003e, and \u003ci\u003eKevin Hart's Guide to Black History\u003c\/i\u003e. He won a Writers Guild Award for his work on Adult Swim's \u003ci\u003eThree Busy Debras\u003c\/i\u003e. In the print humor world, he contributes to \u003ci\u003eThe Onion\u003c\/i\u003e, the \u003ci\u003eNew Yorker\u003c\/i\u003e's \"Shouts \u0026amp; Murmurs,\" and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He has also written for \u003ci\u003eMAD \u003c\/i\u003emagazine, ClickHole, and Funny or Die. He lives in Los Angeles and can be found on Twitter at @TheOhBits. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e Paula Searing is a graphic designer and illustrator living in upstate New York. She's worked with various comedy platforms such as CollegeHumor, Dropout, ClickHole, and Big Money Players Network. Her illustrations have been seen in the \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e, \u003ci\u003eThe Baffler\u003c\/i\u003e, and BuzzFeed. You can find her work at paulasearing.com.\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNumber of Pages:\u003c\/strong\u003e 180\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/strong\u003e 0.69 x 8.08 x 6.3 IN\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePublication Date:\u003c\/strong\u003e April 16, 2024\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Books by splitShops","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51748987273504,"sku":"9781797219356","price":19.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0974\/9764\/5344\/files\/ff12c268ce9881d3fd02e21b5b150863.webp?v=1779922163","url":"https:\/\/ebocreations.com\/products\/life-wants-you-dead-a-calm-rational-and-totally-legit-guide-to-scaring-yourself-safe-hardcover","provider":"The E-Book Oasis LLC","version":"1.0","type":"link"}