You Can't Say That to Me: Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--An 8- Step Program - Paperback

by Suzette Haden Elgin (Author)

You can't say that to me! "Can't you do anything right?" "I can'tbelieve you would feed that junk to your child!" "What is this? Anddon't tell me it's a casserole, I already know that." "If youreally cared about me, you wouldn't behave this way." Soundfamiliar? Each of us occasionally feels the sting of veryunpleasant language from those who are closest to us--spouses, employers, friends, relatives. But frequent and repeated use ofunanswerable questions, scalding accusations, sarcasm, insinuations, and even icy silence is more than simply unpleasant;it is abusive, destructive, and frequently leads to escalatingarguments and physical violence. Suzette Haden Elgin, creator ofthe "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," has developed a unique andrevolutionary way to break the cycle of verbal violence andeliminate it from your life--without ruining your marriage, riskingyour job, or alienating friends or loved ones. Dr. Elgin shows youhow to neutralize verbal attacks and discourage future abusewith:
* An 8-step program that helps you recognize the patterns of verbalabuse
* Specific language techniques that enable you to avoid escalatingarguments and break the cycle of abuse using skills you alreadypossess
* Questionnaires and diaries that help you analyze abusivesituations, evaluate your responses to them, and track yourprogress
In this book Dr. Elgin proves that verbal abuse is not caused byhuman nature, but by language. She helps you discover that you arean expert in your own language, already highly qualified to solvethis problem for yourself, quickly and forever.

Front Jacket

You can't say that to me! Can't you do anything right? I can't believe you would feed that junk to your child! What is this? And don't tell me it's a casserole, I already know that. If you really cared about me, you wouldn't behave this way. Sound familiar? Each of us occasionally feels the sting of very unpleasant language from those who are closest to us--spouses, employers, friends, relatives. But frequent and repeated use of unanswerable questions, scalding accusations, sarcasm, insinuations, and even icy silence is more than simply unpleasant; it is abusive, destructive, and frequently leads to escalating arguments and physical violence. Suzette Haden Elgin, creator of the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, has developed a unique and revolutionary way to break the cycle of verbal violence and eliminate it from your life--without ruining your marriage, risking your job, or alienating friends or loved ones. Dr. Elgin shows you how to neutralize verbal attacks and discourage future abuse with:

• An 8-step program that helps you recognize the patterns of verbal abuse
• Specific language techniques that enable you to avoid escalating arguments and break the cycle of abuse using skills you already possess
• Questionnaires and diaries that help you analyze abusive situations, evaluate your responses to them, and track your progress

In this book Dr. Elgin proves that verbal abuse is not caused by human nature, but by language. She helps you discover that you are an expert in your own language, already highly qualified to solve this problem for yourself, quickly and forever.

Back Jacket

You can't say that to me! "Can't you do anything right?" "I can't believe you would feed that junk to your child!" "What is this? And don't tell me it's a casserole, I already know that." "If you really cared about me, you wouldn't behave this way." Sound familiar? Each of us occasionally feels the sting of very unpleasant language from those who are closest to us--spouses, employers, friends, relatives. But frequent and repeated use of unanswerable questions, scalding accusations, sarcasm, insinuations, and even icy silence is more than simply unpleasant; it is abusive, destructive, and frequently leads to escalating arguments and physical violence. Suzette Haden Elgin, creator of the "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," has developed a unique and revolutionary way to break the cycle of verbal violence and eliminate it from your life--without ruining your marriage, risking your job, or alienating friends or loved ones. Dr. Elgin shows you how to neutralize verbal attacks and discourage future abuse with:

• An 8-step program that helps you recognize the patterns of verbal abuse
• Specific language techniques that enable you to avoid escalating arguments and break the cycle of abuse using skills you already possess
• Questionnaires and diaries that help you analyze abusive situations, evaluate your responses to them, and track your progress

In this book Dr. Elgin proves that verbal abuse is not caused by human nature, but by language. She helps you discover that you are an expert in your own language, already highly qualified to solve this problem for yourself, quickly and forever.

Author Biography

SUZETTE HADEN ELGIN, Ph.D., is an expert in applied psycholinguistics and the founder of the Ozark Center for Language Studies. She is the author of eight "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" titles, including Genderspeak: Men, Women, and the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, also published by Wiley. She lives with her family near Huntsville, Arkansas.